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␈↓ α∧␈↓␈↓ u1


␈↓ α∧␈↓αTHE SLOAN RANGER'S LAMENT


␈↓ α∧␈↓As I rode out through the streets of Laredo
␈↓ α∧␈↓I rode to the airport from Laredo one day
␈↓ α∧␈↓Up spoke the young fellow a-driving the taxi
␈↓ α∧␈↓He looked academic as I do today.

␈↓ α∧␈↓I see by your name tag that you are from Stanford
␈↓ α∧␈↓These words he did say as my suitcase he got
␈↓ α∧␈↓I'll turn off the meter and tell you my story
␈↓ α∧␈↓Pay heed to my warning if perish you'd not

␈↓ α∧␈↓'Twas once to Sloan meetings I used to go dashing
␈↓ α∧␈↓From Stanford to Amherst, I dashingly went.
␈↓ α∧␈↓In conference proceedings, appeared twenty papers
␈↓ α∧␈↓But to the mere journals, nothing was sent.

␈↓ α∧␈↓I spoke on my thesis at a conference in Tokyo,
␈↓ α∧␈↓Then I rode a jet plane to a congress in Bonn
␈↓ α∧␈↓Each year in Geneva, I conducted a workshop,
␈↓ α∧␈↓Till back at Laredo my six years were gone.

␈↓ α∧␈↓I came up for tenure at Laredo State College
␈↓ α∧␈↓The linguists all said, "He's a promising lad.
␈↓ α∧␈↓He's read twenty papers at the Sloan meetings.
␈↓ α∧␈↓Three are quite good and none are real bad".

␈↓ α∧␈↓The philosophy chairman, he told the same story,
␈↓ α∧␈↓As did the AI'ers, psychologists too.
␈↓ α∧␈↓But the dean was unmoved as he sat there in silence.
␈↓ α∧␈↓Till he said: "I see nothing that's passed peer review".

␈↓ α∧␈↓"Publish or perish", I knew was the watchword
␈↓ α∧␈↓For all whose first love is the study or lab,
␈↓ α∧␈↓But publish in journals and not in proceedings
␈↓ α∧␈↓If tenure you'd win and not drive a cab.

␈↓ α∧␈↓Epilogue:

␈↓ α∧␈↓Although the dean says I won't do for Laredo,
␈↓ α∧␈↓He gave me a chance to revive my career,
␈↓ α∧␈↓His answer to Gardner told just part of my story,
␈↓ α∧␈↓And so out at CASBS, I'll see you next year.